When you board an airplane with your kid, they say that in case of an emergency mom should put on the oxygen mask before attending the child. Their intention is that, you need to take care of yourself before you can attend the child better. Otherwise you will not be able to give the child the help he needs. This analogy also applies to parenting. As a mom you too need such oxygen in your life, you need to take rest and also have some alone time so you can be get the relaxation you need and be a better parent for your child.
In recent years mother’s concern for their child is has increased significantly. They want their child to excel in all areas of their life, not just studies and arts. So moms are involved in their kids social habits, friends, sports and everything else. This is termed as “Intensive Mothering” and many moms in urban areas are doing this.
Social scientists from Toronto university have performed a study on this pattern and noticed that there are no real benefits for children due to this level of additional involvement from mothers. And in fact this is stopping the child from growing naturally with freedom.
So where does the real problem lie?
1. By dedicating the little amount of time they have to kids, women are loosing their happiness by not being able to do the little things that keep them happy and energetic.
2. Women don’t get any alone time even with their husbands to spend some quality time. And in our society where in most families kids sleep with their parents, which prevents them from getting the love they need and the sex becomes mechanical. Moreover if job stress is added to this mix then the women become tired and even frustrated.
3. This frustration causes impatience and this is not good for the childs growth as the smallest things may trigger anger on the child where things would have been much easy otherwise.
4. Moms are not able to spend “Quality” time with their kids. Let it be making the kid do his homework or taking him to school or a special event, everything is done mechanically. Hence the additional care mom tries to give his child is not yielding expected results.
What can we do about this?
1. Pay attention to yourself:
Dedicate some time for yourself in a day. In this time do some exercise, meditation, listen to music or do anything that helps you relax. This will help you become active again and reduce the fatigue caused throughout the day. You can spend quality time with your child. Take help of your spouse to make this happen.
2. You can use video calls like this:
From your office after you are done with the work or during your lunch time, whenever possible talk to your kids through video calls. This helps strengthen your bond with your child and get close to them. Naturally kids are emotionally attached to their parents and constantly talking to them helps your relation.
3. Kids need that space:
Kids definitely learn a lot from their parents, but they also learn a lot from other kids during they play time or in their school. Kids who spend all their time with parents cannot socialize easily and will have trouble growing up. So as a parent it is our job to make sure that kids dont feel lonely and they have their freedom to grow to their best potential.